Happy time in China

By Josh Selig 22-11-2016

In Shanghai, I noticed a small sign by the Bund that said, ‘Please cherish grass, it accompanies life.’ How much more persuasive, I thought, than the ho-hum signs we have in New York that say, ‘Keep Off The Grass.’

There are many such lovely uses and abuses of the English language in China. Happy Hour often becomes ‘Happy Time,’ and hamburger has morphed into perhaps the cutest word ever: ‘han-bao-bao.’

Little Airplane is now in production on two series with China: Super Wings, which, I’m pleased to report, was just nominated for an International Emmy, and P King Duckling, which premiered on Disney Junior US this month. These days I fly between New York and China about once every six weeks, so I live in a state of perpetual jetlag. It’s not uncommon for me to fall asleep in the middle of a pitch.

I love China, and I spend a good amount of my time there trying to understand China’s rich and complex culture. Similarly, I find the Chinese are always trying to grasp the many oddities of the West, with varying degrees of success.

For instance, I was in Beijing last month during Halloween – a new holiday for the Chinese – and, at the Solana Shopping Mall, I saw a spooky Halloween clown making indecipherable balloon animals beside a large glowing Star of David.

Now, I have no doubt that the good people at the Solana Shopping Mall simply confused the five-pointed pentagram, often associated with witchcraft and black magic, with the six-pointed Star of David, often associated with Judaism and Israel, so I took no offense at their big spiritual typo. For me, there was a certain innocent charm in their attempt to capture Halloween’s unique blend of dress-up and terror, and for this New Yorker, they certainly succeeded.

I always try to visit a few toy stores when I’m in China, partially for market research and partially because I enjoy playing with toys as much as the preschool kids I serve.

As someone who began his career on Sesame Street, I often think about the slippery slope between preschool TV and toys. Has curriculum lost out to play patterns? Are we now just making 11.00 toy commercials? Well, in China, I was heartened to see one line of toys that was unapologetic about its motives, and sewed them proudly on to their plush.

Beijing is a very modern city with state-of-the-art medical and dental care. In many ways, I find China to be far more technologically advanced than the US. But for folks who simply can’t wait to make an appointment at their dentist’s office, there is curbside dental care available for anyone in need.

One gentleman in a smock set up his dentist table not far from my hotel and, while I was taking my morning jog, called out to offer me a set of “Fancy white teeth! Good discount!” I politely declined and hurried off.

Another interesting experience you can have in China is dipping your feet into a tank filled with goldfish who, either by nature or nurture, like to nibble away all the dry pieces of skin on your feet, leaving them as fragrant and refreshed as a peeled banana.

You are required to sign a waiver at these places, not unlike the kind you sign when you enter a gym. Since the waiver is in Chinese, I could not read it myself, but another customer explained that it protects the owner should you happen to get a particularly ornery goldfish who bites off one of your smaller toes.

When I first started Little Airplane I used to fly coach. These days I fly business class and I often indulge in the luxuries of the airport business lounges. I’m especially pleased when they offer me rolled-up hot towels and finger sandwiches.

At one airport in China I was feeling jetlagged, so I went into their nap room to rest my head, only to discover a plastic sign on my pillow that read ‘Disinfected.’ Needless to say, I couldn’t sleep as I lay there wondering what my pillow had once been infected with.

In China, there is a very deep relationship between humans and animals, particularly birds, and it’s not uncommon to see groups of elderly men walking their songbirds in the parks, much like the way Westerners walk dogs. If you’ve never seen songbirds in China, they are a beautiful sight and are treated like royalty by their loving owners.

Another favourite animal in China is the pig and in a small grocery store in Changzhou, I met a beautiful pig sitting in the dusty doorway. I was concerned that he might be for sale as someone’s supper, but the shop owner assured me that her pig was trained to spot shoplifters, squeal and then bite them on the ass.

It’s possible she was just kidding, but when her pig eyeballed me as I reached for a Diet Coke, I thought it best not to test out the pig security system.

Food is obviously a very big deal in China and no part of any creature, from the beak to the claws, ever goes to waste. They also have a very special way of naming their dishes in China that makes them particularly alarming for most Western diners (eg ‘Small Goat Heart With Big Sizzling Testicles’).

There’s a lot of experimentation with desserts in China and new shops pop up daily featuring tempting treats like this one called, ‘Let’s Eat Tar.’

I’m now on my Air China flight from Beijing to John F Kennedy Airport. I’ve been away from home for 21 days and I miss my dog Buffy, the New York Times and chicken vindaloo, in that order. I’ve learned to run Little Airplane remotely via the internet, which pretty much guarantees that my laptop computer is now infected with enough malware to crash Netflix, Google and Puppies.com.

But travel is essential for me and for any company looking to expand their Rolodex beyond the usual suspects. As you probably know, China recently lifted its one-child policy, so its population of 1.3 billion people – already more than the US and Europe combined – is about to expand further, starting with my own preferred demographic, preschoolers.

So for me, travelling to China is good business but I’d be happy to come to China even if there was no work here. The chocolate dumplings at Din Tai Fung alone are well worth the trip. And just as the Chinese people cherish the grass, I cherish the Chinese people who now accompany me in my life.